... if you can't hear us we'll sing a little louder...

WOW.

Monday nights are the best. I look forward to Monday nights all week. Co-ed volleyball. Now our team has a bit of a reputation for being a little bit cocky. Its not that the members of our team actually think that way (or at least i don't), we just really enjoy acting that way. If some one asks me if i'm the best player out there, not way can i say yes, but within my team i will... of course i'm the best, worship me. I'm mean, its fun playing it up.

So we joke. We joke a lot. From playing totally drunk out of our minds to laughing at the other teams when one of our players packs them hard to other things like our new team shirts.

Basically this past Monday me and Ron (who i believe to be the heart of our bombastic attitude, and i love him for it!) gave out t-shirts that we made for our team. Each t-shirt had the face of the person wearing it in a star with the phrase "i'm no. 1" written below it and a big #1 on the back. Priceless. The apex of our swaggering attitude was now shown to the world. I kinda felt bad putting it on to tell [you, whoever you are] the truth. I mean, its fun saying i'm no. 1, but to write it down and put it on a t-shirt with my own face on it takes some guts... guts i wasn't sure that i had.

but we all wore them for the game anyways... a game that we nearly lost, and probably would have deserved to because we were being lazy... which i think is what made the other team even more mad. First our boastful shirts, then our shitty game, then still winning... meh, Maybe we just are no. 1.

la la la la la la life is wonderful

Emotions are crazy.

What gets me the most is just how much control they can have over you. You can tell yourself a million times that your either being unreasonable, or over reacting, or irrational, or insecure, or paranoid, or whatever - and even though you know that to be the truth in your mind, your emotions aren't convinced so easily.

Its hard enough to convince yourself everything is going to be ok... how do you convince someone else. Sometimes i feel useless because i never know what to say, or am lost for words... the best i can do is listen and say that everything is going to be ok, cliche i know... its so easy to say but sometimes so hard to believe.

Dispite how put together i seem sometimes i crumble into the biggest emotional wreck of them all. My body turns into an empty bottomless pit. My mind wonders and it gets WAY ahead of me, til i have to run to try and catch it but i'll still never reach it.

Emotions are crazy.

Being the reasons behind some of the worst times in our lives, emotions also bring us to what we consider to be the best times of our lives.

They go hand in hand... but i guess it takes the lows, to appriciate the highs... i've had lows, but definateloy many more highs!

Do you see what i see?

I don't know if this sounds weird, but when i look at myself in the mirror i see one person i know as me, and when i look at myself in pictures i see a different person that i also know as me. But it's my opinion that the person i see in the mirror is better looking than the person i see in the pictures... so then i wonder about how other people see me? Do they see me like the person in the mirror or the picture, or another "look" all together.

The worst part of this all is that i actually think about these storts of things. I try and tell myself not to be superficial, but lets face it, i'm a girl. I want the long skinny legs, and the tight ass, rock hard abs, round boobs and pretty hair. And all the while, i sit and eat chocolate. I dunno if i'll ever be completely content... maybe when there's such a thing as calorie free ice cream... mmmmmmmmmmm ice cream. But maybe content isn't good either, cuz if your content you don't strive for change.

For now I'll keep hitting up the gym. Maybe next week will be better.

ringy-dingy

I found this man's (Barry) cell phone on the ground yesterday. The thing was crap and the battery dying, but luckily there was enough juice left for me to call the last number he dialed and figure out a way to find him.

He turns out to be this guy who was running in theToronto marathon with a really low low voice. He kept calling me sweet heart and love and angel and stuff. It was weird when I was first talking to him on the phone cuz at first I thought he was just going to be some student, not a 45 year old correctional officer from Brampton.

When we met up later that day for the exchange (he had to drive all the way back into down town from Brampton) he brought me chocolates and melba-toast crackers (he didnt know if I liked salty or sweet, but melba-toast? now I gotta go buy cream cheese and stuff to eat them... but the chocolate truffles are good... mmmmmmmmmmm chocolate - I HAVE WAY TO MUCH CHOCOLATE AT HOME). He told me if ever I find myself in jail I should give him a call... maybe I should save his number...

Cell phones are so much trouble, but we can't live without them. I can't go anywhere without it... its not that I'm always on the phone, but its a secrurity blanket or something, at the very least I'm able to tell the time.

Mine broke the other day, now mom had to mail me an extra one, cuz who in their right mind can afford to just go buy a new one with out getting a new contract? I wasn't about to pay the $200 cancelation fee to get a new plan with a free phone, but the sad part is that, if mom didn't have an extra one, I might of had to. All I can say is, at least Barry doesn't have to worry about all that.

That's right Barry, I saved the day!

jason knows...

And I
I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you and feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes
And they all fall down

And as I lay me down tonight
I close my eyes
What, what a beautiful sight

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired
Of having to live without you
But I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

I found myself in the riches
Your eyes, your lips, your hair and you were everywhere
I woke up in the ditches, I hit the light and I thought you might be here
But you were nowhere (you were nowhere)
Well You were nowhere

And as I lay me back to sleep
Lord I pray that I can keep

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired
Of having to live without you
But I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

It's just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night
Oh just a lullabye to keep from crying myself to sleep
Oh just a, just oh, just a little lullabye,

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired
Of having to live without you
But I don't mind

Chronicles of a Turkey Dinner

As Jen put it. Turkey's die here. Like many other years, here, was my apartment, and I guess the turkey didn't actually die there. It was just stuffed baked and enjoyed by 10 of my friends and I (Yay! Gus came!).

Now this is the 9th turkey dinner I've cooked by myself (well mostly, enough so that I can say "by myself " without shame) and when I tell people that some find it hard to believe. Their surprise is generally associated with the idea of me being domesticated and not utterly feeble in the kitchen - let me cook you dinner sometime, I'll remove any doubts.

Now to prove that I did in fact cook the turkey we had on Monday on my own, I was asked to document the actual process and post it for the world to see. Here goes...

This is the prep work for the stuffing. Diced onions, shredded carrots and cut up celery get cooked together in a pot. I dunno for how long really. Just til it smells right. Did I mention I cried.

Then I have to make maaaaaaaad amounts of garlic bread. When its nice and crispy I cut the bread into bite-size cubes and let them dry out in the air a bit. This whole process takes a surprisingly long time because the bread is REALLY REALLY hot for quite a long while after its done toasting. I learned the hard way that its better to be patient and just wait for it to cool. Waiting is bad cuz I end up eating a lot of the pieces that I've cut up... meh.


Then the veggie mixture and the bread bits get mixed together. Like the bread, it is very important to let the veggie mixture cool. I don't think I learned that one until the 7th turkey.

Yes I'm mixing this is a juice jug.

I'm a poor student and my kitchen has the bare essentials. Deal with it, I do.

Then I stuff it. Top and bottom, like a confused under-developed hermaphrodite in high-school... bad image. Basically the bird gets fisted again and again. The stuffing tastes the best when it comes out of the bird so I have to make sure I get as much in there as possible. I generally over stuff it - oops!

Then the bird bakes. How long? I dunno, I just keep it in there until everyone arrives and it doesn't look jiggly anymore. That generally works, no one has died yet.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm turkey.
Forget the turkey, Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm STUFFING!

I don't have plans for my life... why should I?

I think its safe to say that every long term plan I have ever made for myself has either come undone or altered by the time I would have expected to be experiencing it.

I said that I wanted to be a doctor, that was short lived. I said I'd never leave Vancouver, I've reconsidered. I said I'd go home and start working when school was done, I find myself back in school. I said that I want to be a professional engineer, but more and more every day I realize I dunno if that's really what I want to do forever. I said I'd never become a teacher, but its been in my mind for a long time now. I said I'd find and marry someone in Vancouver, that's now as far from what's happening as possible. But I'm so happy and I wouldn't change any of it.

Not that my plans were bad, but why do I need to plan every step of my life in such detail. It always takes something to realize what something else is. Right now I think the only thing that's safe to say is that I know what makes me happy, and I know who makes me happy, and I know that knowing those I'll continue to be happy for a very long time. Knowing that is more than 1/2 the battle, but we really only know about 1/2 of the time. So I'm still about 3/4 off.

Did I mention that I KNOW I want a pet goat?

And it starts...

So this is my first attempt at this blogging thing that has gotten so much hype. What is a blog exactly? Is it an online journal? A way for me to give information to people I know (and don't know)? A place to shoot the shit? What ever it is, I have one. We'll see how long it goes until I forget that I even set it up.